Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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