They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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