Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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