3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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