She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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