just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
