I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just gift wrapped bread.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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