if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i came on her dog
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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