you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
