my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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