just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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