apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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