i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize