I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
