Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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