So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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