you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
