I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
