Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize