I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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