I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
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I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
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Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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