Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize