honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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