I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
