Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
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