I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
