Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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