i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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