I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
