Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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