it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
