I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
