I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
