Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
