I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
