Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
