I faked an abortion last night.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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