I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
