no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
