he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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