I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
