well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
