Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
