Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
