I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
