Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
