So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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