At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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