Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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