Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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