had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
