I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
