come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I touched a dick in church today
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
