summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
sarcasm needs its own font
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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