dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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