You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
