how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
