I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
