All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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