you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
