"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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