One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
