i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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