The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
