Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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